What Simon Doesn't Say
A one-act play by Riese Meyers
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Simon
A somewhat awkward but ambitious young man doing marketing for a makeup company. Underneath the surface he is genuinely empathetic, but filled with anger and a little sadistic.
Jenn
A friendly and energetic young woman who started her job at a similar time as Simon. She enjoys her work and handles criticism well, always striving to improve.
Kate
The head of marketing and Simon and Jess's boss. An older career woman known for her tactful diplomacy but also her straightforwardness when the situation requires it. She sees herself in Jenn and aims to nurture her growth while not appearing biased.
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Lights up. We see the stage. The left half of the stage is empty. On the right half there is a chair facing a desk with another chair behind it, comprising KATE's office. The stage is empty, until SIMON steps out, stage left, glancing at the watch on his wrist. He looks around, then looks down, at which point JENN enters stage right and, smiling, quickly approaches SIMON with a speedwalk that is nearly a skip.
JENN
Hey! Simon. So did you actually see that girl Saturday, or did you flake again?
Simon grins uncomfortably.
SIMON
Ah, Jenn... no. I actually did have some stuff that day, so I'm just gonna wait. But I did actually see something interesting over the weekend.
JENN
...Mmhmm. So are you pitching your idea too? For the simulation?
SIMON
The simulation? ...Oh yeah, I actually pitched mine over video chat, but it was more of a standard video commercial really.
JENN
Oh, ok. But Kate did say in the meeting that we were going to go with a simulation for the new cosmetics line. Kate says video's going to be outdated soon anyways. (pause) Do you have a problem with simulations, Simon?
Simon glances at his watch.
SIMON
No, no, I use them actually. I just don't think that virtual simulations can sell lipstick and mascara as well as a pretty face on a screen.
Jenn looks up and turns slightly downstage, considering.
JENN
Well, with simulations-
KATE enters stage left, walking steadily to her office. As she approaches JENN she slows down but doesn't fully stop.
KATE
Alright, Jenn, let's hear your pitch. I'm assuming you're ready?
JENN
Yep!
KATE
Good. (She passingly nods to SIMON) Simon.
JENN follows KATE into her office and takes the seat facing her desk. SIMON turns to watch them but when they mime closing the door he turns downstage with a disquieted look on his face.
KATE
Well, I sure hope you actually made the type of ad I wanted, because Rhonda signed off in the meeting and Simon's idea was NOT usable.
JENN
Well, yes, ma'am, I actually have a simulation concept that I think will make everyone happy.
KATE
Atta girl.
JENN
Basically, the user enters and she's walking down a street in New York. She sees a group of men, or women, depending on her sexuality, silently admiring her.
At this point in the pitch SIMON gives his command. JENN can't hear him and continues, speaking simultaneously with SIMON, quietly as if faded out:
JENN
Then she looks at a shiny building and her reflection shows whe's wearing Mary Shelley lipstick, the new line...
SIMON
(speaking over JENN)
Simon says this conversation is over.
JENN and KATE suddenly freeze in place and then unfreeze, happier. Their meeting went well. They stand up and shake hands.
KATE
This is just the kind of work I like to see from you, Jenny. I'm sure we can get this approved by lunch.
JENN
Thank you ma'am.
KATE
I've told you Jenny, you can call me Kate. Oh, there you are Simon. Please, come into my office. And you can stay too Jenny.
Simon enters KATE's office and sits down. JENN stands by KATE's shoulder, behind her desk.
KATE
Ahem. Simon, we're going Jenn's direction with the new ad. Since we are heading into that market, we needed something for virtual systems.
SIMON
(flatly) So you hated my pitch.
KATE
I wouldn't say I hated it, but it seemed like something we'd be using five years ago...Jenn?
JENN
We ran something like it in 2016, yes.
KATE
Right. And Jenn's direction was very modern.
(pause)
SIMON
Honestly, Kate, are any of my ideas usable to you? Or are you just too intimidated by a man marketing makeup for you to ever let me have one over on precious Jenny?
KATE
Simon, it isn't your gender that's stopping you from succeeding where Jenn does. You can't accept other people's opinions.
Simon takes this in with shocked understanding. He considers, and then
SIMON
Simon says I didn't bring that up.
KATE and JESS pause for a moment at this blankly, then look at each other and back at SIMON.
KATE
Ahem. Very modern. So you may have to work overtime this week to help Jess with the details.
SIMON
Simon says you hated Jenn's pitch.
KATE
...although... sorry about this, Jess, but before I call Rhonda, I... think I'm starting to see some problems with this. It's very patronizing, isn't it? I don't know many women who'd respond well to this.
JENN
But you just said that-
KATE
Well it was better than Simon's, but going this route would be a disaster. We may have to-
SIMON
Simon says you loved my pitch, because you hate Jenn.
KATE
-to, ah, reconsider Simon's idea. Because in many ways, classic is the new modern. So I have to congratulate you, Simon, you may be getting that position after all. It really is fine work.
JENN looks distraught. SIMON pushes his chair back and stands up to face her.
SIMON
So Jenny, let's say I win this time, and finally you gotta wipe that smug look off your face. How's that? Not fun when everything you contribute is deemed worthless, is it? Get used to it.
KATE stands up
KATE
Simon, Jenn has been a major dissapointment lately, but I can't have you treating her like that. I'm no fan of hers, but, ah, at least, not in my office...
SIMON
Simon says you're no help, stay out of this!
KATE walks backwards and turns away from SIMON and JENN
SIMON
I'm the most god damn valuable asset this company has and it's about time everyone -gah!- knew it!
JESS
N-no. You've never been nice to anyone, you're always acting like you're better than them! And everyday it get's worse and-
SIMON
Simon says shut up! If the boss didn't like you so much, you'd just about die, wouldn't you!
JESS
But she doesn't like me... she hates me...
JENN falls to her knees, grabbing for her chair, and keels over, clutching her heart. SIMON panics while KATE stands lifelessly.
SIMON
Wait, no! Uh, uh, uh, you!(pointing at KATE)
Simon says help her!
KATE
No, no, i'm no help...
Wait, wait, what's happening? did you do this to her?
SIMON
no, i just forgot i said earlier nobody liked-
KATE
(approaching SIMON) Simon, just what the hell did you-
SIMON
Stop! Don't-!
KATE
you didn't say simon says.
KATE reaches for simon's neck but her hands slip against the skin and she falters for a moment with her hands behind his head
SIMON
E-end simulation! end it!
KATE freezes in place. SIMON slips out from between her arms and sighs deeply. He pauses and waves his hand in front of KATE's face sternly and swiftly. he twirls to face the audience.
SIMON
Alright, wipe Simulation 11/19/21 and power down.
The lights go out on stage. When they come up everyone but Simon is cleared and he is walking from stage left as if he just entered another room. He looks around, then looks down, at which point JENN enters stage right and, smiling, quickly approaches SIMON, practically skipping
JENN
Hey! Simon. So did you actually see that girl Saturday, or did you flake again?
SIMON looks uncomfortable and sighs.
Lights down.
THE END
A one-act play by Riese Meyers
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Simon
A somewhat awkward but ambitious young man doing marketing for a makeup company. Underneath the surface he is genuinely empathetic, but filled with anger and a little sadistic.
Jenn
A friendly and energetic young woman who started her job at a similar time as Simon. She enjoys her work and handles criticism well, always striving to improve.
Kate
The head of marketing and Simon and Jess's boss. An older career woman known for her tactful diplomacy but also her straightforwardness when the situation requires it. She sees herself in Jenn and aims to nurture her growth while not appearing biased.
--------
Lights up. We see the stage. The left half of the stage is empty. On the right half there is a chair facing a desk with another chair behind it, comprising KATE's office. The stage is empty, until SIMON steps out, stage left, glancing at the watch on his wrist. He looks around, then looks down, at which point JENN enters stage right and, smiling, quickly approaches SIMON with a speedwalk that is nearly a skip.
JENN
Hey! Simon. So did you actually see that girl Saturday, or did you flake again?
Simon grins uncomfortably.
SIMON
Ah, Jenn... no. I actually did have some stuff that day, so I'm just gonna wait. But I did actually see something interesting over the weekend.
JENN
...Mmhmm. So are you pitching your idea too? For the simulation?
SIMON
The simulation? ...Oh yeah, I actually pitched mine over video chat, but it was more of a standard video commercial really.
JENN
Oh, ok. But Kate did say in the meeting that we were going to go with a simulation for the new cosmetics line. Kate says video's going to be outdated soon anyways. (pause) Do you have a problem with simulations, Simon?
Simon glances at his watch.
SIMON
No, no, I use them actually. I just don't think that virtual simulations can sell lipstick and mascara as well as a pretty face on a screen.
Jenn looks up and turns slightly downstage, considering.
JENN
Well, with simulations-
KATE enters stage left, walking steadily to her office. As she approaches JENN she slows down but doesn't fully stop.
KATE
Alright, Jenn, let's hear your pitch. I'm assuming you're ready?
JENN
Yep!
KATE
Good. (She passingly nods to SIMON) Simon.
JENN follows KATE into her office and takes the seat facing her desk. SIMON turns to watch them but when they mime closing the door he turns downstage with a disquieted look on his face.
KATE
Well, I sure hope you actually made the type of ad I wanted, because Rhonda signed off in the meeting and Simon's idea was NOT usable.
JENN
Well, yes, ma'am, I actually have a simulation concept that I think will make everyone happy.
KATE
Atta girl.
JENN
Basically, the user enters and she's walking down a street in New York. She sees a group of men, or women, depending on her sexuality, silently admiring her.
At this point in the pitch SIMON gives his command. JENN can't hear him and continues, speaking simultaneously with SIMON, quietly as if faded out:
JENN
Then she looks at a shiny building and her reflection shows whe's wearing Mary Shelley lipstick, the new line...
SIMON
(speaking over JENN)
Simon says this conversation is over.
JENN and KATE suddenly freeze in place and then unfreeze, happier. Their meeting went well. They stand up and shake hands.
KATE
This is just the kind of work I like to see from you, Jenny. I'm sure we can get this approved by lunch.
JENN
Thank you ma'am.
KATE
I've told you Jenny, you can call me Kate. Oh, there you are Simon. Please, come into my office. And you can stay too Jenny.
Simon enters KATE's office and sits down. JENN stands by KATE's shoulder, behind her desk.
KATE
Ahem. Simon, we're going Jenn's direction with the new ad. Since we are heading into that market, we needed something for virtual systems.
SIMON
(flatly) So you hated my pitch.
KATE
I wouldn't say I hated it, but it seemed like something we'd be using five years ago...Jenn?
JENN
We ran something like it in 2016, yes.
KATE
Right. And Jenn's direction was very modern.
(pause)
SIMON
Honestly, Kate, are any of my ideas usable to you? Or are you just too intimidated by a man marketing makeup for you to ever let me have one over on precious Jenny?
KATE
Simon, it isn't your gender that's stopping you from succeeding where Jenn does. You can't accept other people's opinions.
Simon takes this in with shocked understanding. He considers, and then
SIMON
Simon says I didn't bring that up.
KATE and JESS pause for a moment at this blankly, then look at each other and back at SIMON.
KATE
Ahem. Very modern. So you may have to work overtime this week to help Jess with the details.
SIMON
Simon says you hated Jenn's pitch.
KATE
...although... sorry about this, Jess, but before I call Rhonda, I... think I'm starting to see some problems with this. It's very patronizing, isn't it? I don't know many women who'd respond well to this.
JENN
But you just said that-
KATE
Well it was better than Simon's, but going this route would be a disaster. We may have to-
SIMON
Simon says you loved my pitch, because you hate Jenn.
KATE
-to, ah, reconsider Simon's idea. Because in many ways, classic is the new modern. So I have to congratulate you, Simon, you may be getting that position after all. It really is fine work.
JENN looks distraught. SIMON pushes his chair back and stands up to face her.
SIMON
So Jenny, let's say I win this time, and finally you gotta wipe that smug look off your face. How's that? Not fun when everything you contribute is deemed worthless, is it? Get used to it.
KATE stands up
KATE
Simon, Jenn has been a major dissapointment lately, but I can't have you treating her like that. I'm no fan of hers, but, ah, at least, not in my office...
SIMON
Simon says you're no help, stay out of this!
KATE walks backwards and turns away from SIMON and JENN
SIMON
I'm the most god damn valuable asset this company has and it's about time everyone -gah!- knew it!
JESS
N-no. You've never been nice to anyone, you're always acting like you're better than them! And everyday it get's worse and-
SIMON
Simon says shut up! If the boss didn't like you so much, you'd just about die, wouldn't you!
JESS
But she doesn't like me... she hates me...
JENN falls to her knees, grabbing for her chair, and keels over, clutching her heart. SIMON panics while KATE stands lifelessly.
SIMON
Wait, no! Uh, uh, uh, you!(pointing at KATE)
Simon says help her!
KATE
No, no, i'm no help...
Wait, wait, what's happening? did you do this to her?
SIMON
no, i just forgot i said earlier nobody liked-
KATE
(approaching SIMON) Simon, just what the hell did you-
SIMON
Stop! Don't-!
KATE
you didn't say simon says.
KATE reaches for simon's neck but her hands slip against the skin and she falters for a moment with her hands behind his head
SIMON
E-end simulation! end it!
KATE freezes in place. SIMON slips out from between her arms and sighs deeply. He pauses and waves his hand in front of KATE's face sternly and swiftly. he twirls to face the audience.
SIMON
Alright, wipe Simulation 11/19/21 and power down.
The lights go out on stage. When they come up everyone but Simon is cleared and he is walking from stage left as if he just entered another room. He looks around, then looks down, at which point JENN enters stage right and, smiling, quickly approaches SIMON, practically skipping
JENN
Hey! Simon. So did you actually see that girl Saturday, or did you flake again?
SIMON looks uncomfortable and sighs.
Lights down.
THE END